Monday, May 23, 2011

Adventures In Condom Wearing

Ummm, well, our sombredito supplies were running a bit low last week so I stopped at the grocery store to pick up another box.
Sombreditos="Little Hats"
My husband served a Spanish-speaking mission and he invented sombreditos as the magical, family-friendly code name for condoms.
After hearing copious commercials for Trojan's new Fire & Ice product I thought we'd give it an enthusiastic try.
I scored the last box on the shelf but failed to notice the big gold letters that stamped out the word MAGNUM on the front.
Now, I wouldn't ever want to belittle (heh, belittle) my husband in any way but he's not exactly a candidate for Magnum-sized condoms.
His junk will never be featured in a Japanese-styled monster movie entitled "It Came From Mr. Lotts's Pants." He has instead what I like to call "sufficient for my needs."
Yeah, so we achieved massive snug fit fail much akin to a weenie dog outfitted in Marmaduke's hooded sweater.
Worse than that though was the promised fire and ice "tingling sensations" offered up by the Trojan company.
It felt more like slathering our private parts with Vick's Vapo Rub which is great if our genitals ever catch a cold and need deep decongestant relief otherwise, not so much.
Your Money: Don't waste it on buying Fire & Ice sombreditos.
Reading skills: Use them before buying the wrong condom size.
Free giveaway: Anyone want a barely used box of Magnum prophylactics?

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